And it Rained...

As I was walking back home from the day long working at the university, it started raining. The rain was cold, it was colder than I ever had felt it before, it was probably missing something or I was missing something in the rain. I walked lonely on the dark street enjoying every drop of rain as it drizzled from infinity towards the infinity.

As I walked through the thick wall of fine water droplets, few fell into my eyes. As they fell into my eyes the whole world would blur for a moment and clear again every time I blinked. I loved the feeling of it because the moment of blur would take me to one of the never forgetting moments spent with you and soon dragged me to reality. I thought of counting the number drops falling into my eyes till I reach home.

Either the rain increased its pace or my eyes wontedly blurred giving me an opportunity to be with you, I don’t know the exact reason but the count increased with every step taking me closer to my home. I think the clouds were enjoying my state; either they derived pleasure troubling me or they were also peeping into my precious moments hence wontedly aimed into my eyes in a hope to know everything about you. Beware of these dark clouds dear, looking at their behavior I think even they are in love with you, don’t fall for them even if they try to impress you by raining or making the weather pleasant, because at the end they are just vapors which will vanish with the first ray of sunlight and beneath which you will again see me as you always found me.

Ignoring the clouds I walked and kept counting. As the count increased I realized these droplets condensed further into something heavy which my eyes couldn’t hold any further, they had condensed into tears and I could feel it sliding down towards my heart. The dark night was faithful to me and quickly engulfed it before it pierced through my heart. I wanted to run; run from everything I could because these rain drops were killing me slowly like a sweet slow poison. The infinite loneliness was sinking me into itself; it was trying to integrate me to itself, making me a part of it. It had turned into a demon and has been following me so closely that I could now feel its breath. I desperately wanted to reach home and be amongst people and hope to save my life, I ran as fast as I could but yearn of finding you around followed me with equal pace. All my efforts appeared as a child’s play to it but I kept running and finally reached home.

Please tell me that it wasn’t my loneliness but you, who has been following me; tell me, even you missed me the same as I did; tell me not to worry because you will come to rescue me; make me believe that though the days are long but will end soon, tell me even you love me as I do. Every time you see the rains and I am not around do give a thought; there is someone in this world who might be missing you.

Root Canal - Part One

If there’s a tooth ache, it means there is an infection in the root of the tooth and an antibiotic drug helps, but I suppressed my tooth ache on pain killers since past 9 months. Obviously I cannot eat antibiotics for so long.

9 years ago, I developed a cavity in my #6 tooth, being an inquisitive teenager; I thought “Calcium ions have +ve charge on them, if by any means I can charge my tooth to a negative voltage, Calcium ions can be deposited over the cavity and the tooth can be repaired”. With no logical flaw in the thought, I got a 9V battery and using two wires, I connected the negative terminal to the tooth and positive terminal to my tongue. Current flew through my tooth’s root and I almost fainted with the pain. Before I could prove to the world that my technique was successful, I was taken to a female dentist.

She recommended root canal treatment for the tooth, with the due permission of my parents (no one cared to take my permission for messing with my own tooth) the root canal process initiated but suddenly she stopped, she said “the caries has not yet reached the roots, let’s not go for root canal, instead she cleaned and filled the cavity”. How can a root canal not be a root canal? Had my technique worked, did the current flow actually deposit Calcium; the pain I went through had paid off well or was it not a root canal at the first place? Whatever was the reason, my experiment just ended. The deep filling to this tooth made it sensitive and I avoided using it for biting hard.

8 years later, I was all prepared to go to USA. People said, dental services are very expensive in US, better get your teeth examined, and I just followed what they said. I went to a dental clinic and a female dentist examined my teeth. I reminded the doctor to examine that particular tooth properly as it had just escaped a root canal and has a deep filling which is already 8 years old. She turned down my request by certifying all my teeth perfect.

I came to USA, 3 months passed and this tooth started hurting again, pain was excruciating but subsided on taking some pain killers. Every time it pained, my last 8 years suddenly flashed in front of my eyes, I wondered how different my life could have been if the root canal was actually performed on it at the first place or if the doctor who recently examined my teeth had actually spotted the new caries formed beneath the old fillings. Now I have developed a strong distrust about female dentists, I never doubt there capabilities but I now doubt there decision making capabilities (I know I am wrong, but the series of unfortunate events forced me to develop this belief). Root canal procedure in US was definitely out of my budget and no dental insurance covers the expenses leaving me with the only cheapest option, option of going to India and getting it fixed there.

Before coming to US, I had already planned my first trip to India; I decided to visit India in December 2009. With every passing month, December appeared closer yet too far, and now this pain was another reason for coming to India. Already 9 months had passed since I got my first tooth ache attack and still one complete semester to finish before I can finally reach Mumbai. This constant pain had become a part of my daily routine, every morning the pain reminded me about the tooth still being attached to me and few painless mornings scared me. They scared me because no pain means a dead root, a dead root implies a dead tooth which will eventually fall off, and in this fear of losing the tooth I pushed the tooth with my tongue just to ignite the pain again and be satisfied about the belongingness.

Few days the pain would be sharp and lasted long, and this became more and more frequent as the time passed. I knew the danger was close and someday soon my dam of patience would crumble but I was helpless and just wished that I could hold it for few more months. Two weeks back from now, the pain was intolerable, same pain killers appeared helpless. I slept in pain and woke in pain, I spoke in pain, I smiled in pain, I survived in pain and hoped the pain subsides. With no improvement after waiting for 4 days I decided to consult a dentist at the universities health center. Doctor said “the roots of your tooth have already initiated the process of de-attachment, hurry else you will lose your tooth”.

My worst nightmare just appeared in front of me and I was not yet ready to face it. I was confused and ignorant about tackling this situation, in so many days I did nothing than waiting for December to arrive. As my friends learned about my situation, they approached me and helped me in all possible ways; even I tried all the permutations and combinations of getting it cured in US. The most promising and cheap option was going to Mexico but an option of going to India was always open. I was finding it difficult to fix a place and was looking for some hint from god which can help me. I called my dad and asked “Papa what shall I do”? He said “son don’t think much, just come to India, we all are eager to see you”. I called a travel agent and booked my ticket to India on 30th August 2009.

Now I am in India, circling the dental clinic like a vulture circles its prey, with just 10 days in hand I want to complete the whole procedure. They call me every day for some or other procedure to be done on the silly tooth; it makes me think if an extraction was a better option than this root canal!!

FreshNESS (17th July, 20XX)

17th July, 2006, one of the most important days in my life as well as the day of equal importance to 13 others who stepped into the corporate world through an IT company named NESS. We were recruited through campus interview conducted all across Mumbai and Pune, they said we were recruited after screening 4000 students, they might be true because the interview was a seven step process with every round being an elimination round.

All 14 of us were of almost equal caliber and never took shit from the rest. We had to attend trainings conducted by the company, the training lasted for 3 months, I think we needed this time to break the ice and dissolve the differences we had in our opinions. These three months helped us to create a solid foundation on which we were betting our journey through the corporate world for next two years to come.

If a fruit grows, it will ripe someday, and once a fruit ripes, it has to separate from the tree to try its own fate. Our bonds tenure ended on 17th July, 2008 and soon the so called "FreshNESS" group dispersed, few chose to contribute towards the growth of NESS, where as rest ventured out to try their luck.

Today 17th July, 2009, at our own levels and in our own small worlds, we all celebrated the successful completion of 3 years in our journey of friendship. As we were exchanging e-mails and rejuvenating our good time, I realized that while being at NESS, I had couple of questions which never got answered and one dream which still remains a dream. On this very day, I demand for answers from all 13 Nessians.

• After coming to Ness, I had a dream, dream to make a KDC someday, promote K-Pill, develop a Kupport system for the welfare of all the girls, but unfortunately it just remained a dream. ('K' is the first alphabet from Kapil's name)
  

• I couldn't know the reason why all catering waalas always offered more bones and less meat to Abhijit?
  

• I was always puzzled about the fact that we grow at least a year old on our bdays but Nikhil never grew a minute old on any Naag Panchami (I would blame adulterated milk).
  

• I am curious, how Omkar managed to know everything and could join any conversation in it's midst, occasionally even after the conversation was already over.
  

• I always thought, Internet was biased towards Bhavik, how could he get online references to everything he has ever spoken, is currently speaking/thinking or will ever speak in future. Is he a humanoid or internet himself?
  

• I wondered how would a guy look when seen through Shraddha's eyes? Will he look like a tempting grilled meat same as how a lamb appears to a hungry wolf (I saw this in some cartoon), why couldn't she stop herself from hitting on every guy and towards the end why things ended in friendship?
  

• Was Aditya really slow, or he just felt that being slow impresses project managers (specially Dilip Dave) or was he always indexing world history and Google earth in his brain or both?
  

• Why Manoj always wanted to be a duck (he himself said this once)? Why he wanted to appear calm and at the same time paddle his feet vigorously beneath water? He could have paddled his feet in any swimming pool, why would one ever wish to be a duck??
  

• Was Shebina pure vegetarian, or was she a bird eater, more precisely a Duck eater?
  

• What made Tripti think as if she was still in college? 90% of time I saw her with books.
  

• Who exactly was Lavanya furious at, was it I, Abhijit, Pranati, Shraddha, Bhavik, Manoj, Omkar, Nikhil, Kapil, Barkha, Shebina, Aditya, Gunjeet, Tripti, Sashi Bhargav, Sanjay Mitra, Mr. Bean, Bhausaheb, Arun, Usha, Hemraj or every Nessian?
  

• What was the source of Barkha's income, towards the end of month many of us never had enough money to even buy 750ml of alcohol but Barkha had money to join virtually all fitness centers which she would never visit and still left with enough money to bet on things which she'll definitely loose.
  

• Did Pranati actually laugh on jokes cracked at that moment or was it the previous week’s joke making her laugh. When a joke was cracked, she would start with an assumption that the joke was on her, she would test the joke for all possible scenarios just to confirm whether the joke was on her or not, it would take her a week to conclude that it wasn’t; good now she could laugh.
  

• Was Gunjeet really good at caricatures or she always started with painting but things ended in a caricature. (BTW your paintings are amazing).
  

• What exactly was Geeta's last name Baliye or Belan, she looked more like a Belan to Abhijit.
  

• Why Amruta fucked Bhavik in all holes, why not any one else??

Those were amongst the best years; we enjoyed a lot and will cherish the memories for rest of our life.

All the best to everyone, be in TOUCH (cynical smile :))

Girls vs IRobot

It has been really long working towards programming the "IRobot - create" and finally it worked today. FYI, IRobot is a product from IRobot Corporation, it has a pair of wheels and couple of sensors on it, and the coolest thing about it is that it can be programmed to do various tasks.

As I have been working with it for about 2 months now, I am obsessed with it. My obsession about it has forced me to do a comparative analysis between Girls and IRobot. I do not wish to do this analysis, but my fingers are dancing on the keyboard and involuntarily typing this stuff. Before my fingers procede any further, I would like to apologies to all the good looking girls and confirm that I still like girls and this article is just an exception.

Following are few comparisons between a girl and IRobot.

1. Ask a girl to do something for you, they ask more questions than doing it, but if I program IRobot, it does what so every you ask it to do (provided the task is doable by the device), no questions ever asked. Once the work is done, give more work and it does without grumbling.

2. Talk to a girl, and if your talks are not entertaining enough, they just move away, but keep talking to an IRobot, it stays where it is and listens to everything thing you say, immaterial of even you talk about Dr. Ozturk (My thesis advisor). If you are tired of talking, it will still wait, just in case you would like to share something more.

3. If you are with a girl during lunch hours, you end-up spending double the amount what you generally spend (buy food for her), but IRobot just keeps looking at you enjoying the meal, as if you being satiated, satisfies it too.

4. Once a girl starts to talk, you can't just stop it wherever you wish to, but when it comes to IRobot, you can stop it when you wish to, and it stops without any complains or weird expressions on its LED's.

5. Just by looking at a girls face, it's very difficult to predict what's going in her mind, but just by looking at LED's on IRobot's face can tell you the mode in which it is currently operating.

6. Under favorable conditions, the probability of finding a girl where she promised to be is Zero, but probability of finding an IRobot in lab is One.

7. If you make a girl to wait, even for a fraction of a second, you'll have to face wrath of god, but if you are late (occasionally I just don't turn-up for couple of days) and power on the IRobot, it activates without any issues and smiles with a bright Green LED glow.

8. If you praise some other girl in front of a girl, you are thrown out of the trust circle with immediate effects. But if you compare various models of IRobots in front of an IRobot, it still activates with a bright Green LED glow.

9. If you permanently lose a girl from your life, there is no replacement to the void space created, but if you lose an IRobot, you can get exactly the same device easily (no void space ever created).

10. When you work, no girl sits beside you without interrupting you, but an IRobot will sit next to you forever, without even saying a word and still if you turn it ON, it activates with bright Green LED glow.

11. Spending lot of time on girls can cost you grades, but spending time on IRobot can fetch you an A grade.

12. You may find it difficult to introduce your girl to your friends, but you can introduce IRobot to your friends without any hassle and IRobot will happily roll everywhere.

13. For no apparent reason, there are very high chances that a girl can get upset (you won't ever realize the reason), but IRobot never gets upset even if by mistake or intentionally you step on it.

14. It's like being on a mission when it comes to convincing a girl once they are upset, but if IRobot doesn't work as intended, just erase the flash and reload it, it will be up and running with a bright Green LED glow.

15. If you care about a girl, you will have to play songs of her interest when her being around, whereas you have complete freedom to play your playlist when IRobot is around.

16. Best thing about IRobot is, you can watch football with an IRobot.

I am abruptly terminating this blog here not because I am finished with writing all the analysis result, but simply because I don't intend to eliminate the possibility of finding a girlfriend.

:-)

Cigarette Addiction

We couple of friends were talking to each other while sitting in the memorial park of my university. It was a breezy full moon night and we were enjoying the pleasant weather, suddenly a cloud of cigarette smoke tarnished the wonderful ambiance. One of my friends had silently started to smoke, we had no issues with him smoking cigarette but it had unnecessarily drawn our attention. Suddenly one friend asked him, dude tell us how you started smoking (appears to be one of the favorite and most obvious questions asked to smokers).

He said, in his final year of engineering, he and two close friends, one day decided to smoke. The only reason to do this was, they wanted to try as many things they could before their student life came to an end. As they just wanted to try smoking, they decided they will quit after attending the last day at college.

They started with smoking one cigarette in two days, soon smoked one each day and within a month it shot to more than 3 a day and these innocent guys failed to realize the rate at which they were smoking. They stopped spending money on stupid things, occasionally even on food.

Despite of spending all their time together at college, every evening they met at a pan shop, bought bunch of cigarettes, filled some gas in the only bike they had and went to a hill top (all three on one bike). Peacefully they smoked cigarettes and invented some new smoker's games. One of the games was the "Random walk" (one of the concepts from Probability and Random Processes which they could never follow); looser of the game was supposed to sponsor one cigarette to rest two. Happily the days passed and by now they puffed about 5-6 cigarettes a day.

With increase in number of cigarettes, the well kept secret was open to everyone who knew them, they just smoked anywhere and anytime they felt doing so and were spotted by many people, it included being spotted by Head of Department himself. Individually they were called to HOD's cabin and were blamed of spoiling the culture and discipline of the department. As being ideal students, they ignored his warnings, later they paid a heavy price for this by being honored with poor grades in midterm exams.

Seasons came and went, final exams approached, so approached the vivas and journal submissions, days were limited in number and time was scarce, tension grew and so increased the revenue of the pan waala. Number of cigarettes per day crossed 12 and many time they ran out of there cigarette stock late at night around 2:00 - 3:00am. The urge to smoke became so prominent that it made them scavengers; they scanned every inch of their locality to find cigarettes so late in night. They had almost forgotten about their pledge about quitting cigarettes.

Good days are ephemeral, they end before one realizes. Soon the last day approached and that reminded them about their promise they made to each other. On this final day of smoking, they smoked cigarette as if they won't smoke ever in life, dude they wanted to keep their promises. Early morning they went to their respective rooms and slept till late evening. Again in the evening they met and decided to buy cigarette, but one guy (this friend of mine) said, "dude, I have quit smoking", rest two looked at his face, then to each other's face, bought some cigarettes and said "Dude, smoke the last cigarette in the name of you quitting it". This guy still regrets the day, he had made his mind but the cigarette he smoked to celebrate the decision never allowed him to stop, and neither his friends stopped.

Tears almost rolled from his eyes, it was evident how much he was missing good old days. He said, they all are still good friends and find some time out of there busy schedule to speak to each other. Everyone is doing well and continues to smoke; time has not weakened the bonding between them but has changed their cigarette brands. We all busted in laugh and he kept smoking. By now his cigarette had almost burned till the bud and he smoked the golden puff.

One of the guys amongst us asked him, dude to what extent are you addicted, are you psychologically addicted or physically. He proudly said, "Dude, I am not addicted yet and I'll quit once I feel I am getting addicted". Same guy asked, when do you generally feel like smoking? He said, when I am tensed, feeling sleepy, not feeling sleepy, feeling lonely, feel nostalgic, and similar situations. Same guy said, boss this is what addiction is, are you sure you are not yet addicted?

He didn't speak a word, turned back and walked into the lab to continue working on his project. I think we made him realize what he has been running away from, soon we all returned back to our work too. Couple of hours passed, the smoker dude quietly walked out again, I followed him and was not shocked to find him smoking again. He saw me and said, Jhajee, I think I am addicted and will quit smoking soon but I know it will be a gradual process, I said yaa, you should. His voice grew heavy and he kept looking somewhere. I wish he quits soon, we will get another reason to party.

Quit smoking before its too late : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB5HN9uO3Bk&NR=1

Sexual Ignorance

Working whole night on camera drivers was driving me crazy, soon all the guys around started talking about what boys generally talk about, SEX. But today the talk was on some different aspect of sex, it was about sexual ignorance.

One dark night a documentary on AIDS was being telecasted on TV, being a 4th grade student, i couldn't follow anything except, there is a disease called AIDS and condom prevents it, as they didn't show how a condom looks like and how it is used, I thought condom is some medicine. Next morning I walked to my dad and asked him, "Papa, if condom can prevent AIDS, then why do people die from AIDS, why don't they just eat condoms?" I don't remember how exactly my father reacted to it, but i remembered the incidence because this new mysterious medicine was almost everywhere, in newspapers, magazines and now on TV.

Still unclear about what this medicine was, I often wondered how it looked, was it a tablet or a capsule? If a capsule, what it enclosed, the capsule for common cold had small colorful balls enclosed, I wished even condom had such colored balls. Soon later, I lost interest in the topic because i had many things in life to do, but it always remained in back of my mind.

In grade six, my attention was drawn towards an advertisement by Kamasutra condoms, the picture was irresistibly lascivious and depicted a women hugging a man with her finger nails dug deep into his back and next to it was printed "condom prevents AIDS". I thought, while having sexual intercourse if the finger nails of a women dig too deep into the skin (as shown in the advertisement) and if it bruises the body, it may cause AIDS. The most obvious method to avoid this is to either clip nails before intercourse or cover the nails. How to cover the nails? Simple, use condoms, i.e. condoms are some kind of thing which needs to be worn on fingers to avoid AIDS. Later I realized though I was wrong in interpreting it, but I was on right track.

A friend of mine, after reading about a police raid at some place asked his dad, what did the word prostitute meant. With growing popularity of massage parlor, this same friend of mine believes that massage parlor is one of the fastest methods to earn money; once an ignorant now wants to open a business (I am sure he won't, this was just a result of drinking too much alcohol).

Another friend of mine believed; females have hair only on head. Later in some movie he probably found hair at some never seen place which contradicted his belief and he thought the actress was a transsexual and was really offended by the movie.


I think it's high time not to have introduced sex education in India and it must be made compulsory with immediate effects, else people spend a considerable amount of there age being ignorant.

Disaster++

"Kab hai holi? Holi kab hai" one of the many
unanswered questions of theHindi cinema found
its answer this year. The Holi was on 
11th March, 2009. Holi is a festival of colors
but the color was yellow this year because of
the disaster which I witnssed on that day.
Even now, when I think of this day, it reminds
me of the movie “Final Destination”. I find,
everything was planned such a way that the 
disaster was destined to occur.

As I had already put all my tee shirts for
laundry (1st indication), and was left only
with my favorite shirt to wear for going to
college. The day was just like a regular day,
suddenly from thin air popped up one of my 
roommates (2nd indication). Generally these
days I return home only around 12 in the night,
but he convinced me to come home with him a
little early (3rd indication). I thought,
every day anyways I work for long hours; hence 
there won't be any harm in going home early
at least on Holi.

I joined him and we decided to walk instead
of cycling back to home (4th indication).
Soon we reached the traffic signal next to our
apartment, and we were waiting for the signal
to turn green so that we could cross the road.
Suddenly, I saw a group of cool Desi guys 
crossing the road, on seeing them a fear ran
down from my head to toe. (Things could have been
different if I read the indications) I got a
feeling, something is going to go wrong, soon
almost everyone in the group had crossed the road
and even we got the signal to cross the road too.
Suddenly, one of the guys from the group
identified me and returned back to me to apply
color to my face.

As we had no access to Holi colors, this group
used cold cream and mixed turmeric powder and
had been applying this paste on everyone’s face
since evening. Soon later, everyone figured us
out and came rushing towards us, they didn't
even bother to look for vehicles while crossing
the road, and then the disaster struck.

I almost fainted; I still don't remember what
exactly happened after that. Only thing I
remember is, I requested my roommate for an
immediate life support system.

Few days later...

Following is the conversation between me
and my roommate Ameya (Conversation is almost
in its true form with little modification
because my intensions are not to hurt anyone’s
feeling).

Ameya:  u der
ur shirt is screwed

Jha:  what the fuck

Ameya:  its still yellow
Ya

Jha:  oh man, that was my fav shirt

Ameya:  i applied soap directly 2 it in 1st 
place so dat stain would go

Jha:  fuck, i'll have to buy a new shirt now

Ameya:  its gone, stain is prominently visible

Jha:  oh fuck

Ameya:  n u cant use it in open
its for house use only

Jha:  oh shit, I hate everyone who were 
involved in this

Ameya:  hehe

Jha:  wish they had some brains
i could have saved my shirt
that too my fav one

Ameya:  n frm its looks der is no way
u can save it

Jha:  oh my dear shirt

Ameya:  :D
aabhi roo mat

Jha:  i got a feeling that the shirt
has met the worst accidents of its life
but i thought support system may revive it

Ameya:  i think ur shirt just puked

Jha:  all in vain, it died today in 
your arms
wish i was around

Ameya:  i've kept it in laundry shute

Jha:  i wanted to look into his collars
before it died
:-(

Ameya:  its in its coffin now

Jha:  we will have to perform its funeral

Ameya:  donate it 2 A****!!

Jha:  man, may his fabric rest in peace
ha ha ha, don't joke

Ameya:  atleast he'll b happy dat he 
got new cloths
dat 2 frm u

Jha:  its like giving your dear one’s
body to a toothpaste making company so
that they can make
toothpaste out of its bone

Ameya:  wat do u think

Jha:  dude, it was my fav shirt

Ameya:  he'll use it as undergarments!!
but its good

Jha:  don't talk of him

Ameya:  u can still use it for next holi

Jha:  i am really unhappy

Ameya:  preserve it

Jha:  yaa, that is what i'll do

Ameya:  u have a new HOLI shirt frm now on
u'll use it for years 2 com

Jha:  i'll preserve his body for future

Ameya:  n den ur children will use it
as Traditional wear

Jha:  today the technology is not available,
but in future 
there will be some technology to get
it back to life

Ameya:  n 1 day it'll land up in museum

Jha:  no museum, its not an exibition item,
its my fav shirt

Ameya:  by dat time its threads will b worn out

Jha:  i cannt keep it away form myself
no, i'll laminate it

Ameya:  den u'll use it as inner waer
wear*

Jha:  i won't allow time to even touch it

Ameya:  we'll give it 2 astro
(astro is Rohit, he is doing masters
in Astronomy)
he'll come up wit sm timetravel

Jha:  nways, i am writing my next blog 
for my fav shirt

Ameya:  n repair it
1 more crap 2 read
Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Jha:  fucker, you are reacting as if
i force you to read it, you read it
out of your choice

Ameya:  if i wont  den u'll feel bad
dat no 1 reads it

Jha:  but, the accident still revolves
in my mind

Ameya:  so its my pain
abe chod
do u remember
who was d real culprit 
who murdered ur shirt

Jha:  wish we could have reached the
traffic signal a min late,
they might have already crossed the road

Ameya:  ali, amin 
(two of the guys from the group)

Jha:  no, i don't want to weep spilled milk

Ameya:  simply tell dat u dont remember

Jha:  forget it, god is watching everything
their shirts will bear gods wrath

Ameya:  dats hilarious

Jha:  what wrong did my shirt do to
those ruthless guys?
it was a virgin all his life
never smoked
never touched food

Ameya:  never s***ged

Jha:  never had alcohol
W H Y?

Ameya:  never laid

Jha:  whay this happened to it?

Ameya:  fate buddy

Jha:  W H Y only him?

Ameya:  date
k
u also wanted 2 b part of it

Jha:  did got not have a better
shirt to wear?

Ameya:  ??/

Jha:  why he called him to 
heaven so early?

Ameya:  "did got not"
....wat da hell is dat

Jha:  i meant god

Ameya:  who told u its in heaven
its ur shirt
has 2 b in hell

Jha:  it has to be in heaven, 
i just saw angel shirts taking it away

Ameya:  takin him for a ride 2 hell
nothin else

Jha:  ok, enough, i am doing my work now, 
we will continue after sometime

Ameya:  wat r u upto
ping
ping
ping
ping
pong

Jha:  hey can you plz save this
conversation for me

Ameya:  chal even i m leavin ...

Jha:  on the name of my shirt?

Ameya:  will cook smhtin
k
n can u do me a favour

Jha:  what it could be?

Ameya:  in those thoughts of 
ur lovely shirt 
his last words which
he told me 2 convey 2 u

Jha:  ok, but before you do anything,
save this conversation NOW

Ameya:  k

Jha:  it must be saved with
immediate effect

Sent at 8:08 PM on Sunday

Jha is offline.
Messages you send will be delivered
when Jha comes online.

B-Grade

With no plans this weekend, I spent all my time working on my projects, suddenly a thought rolled in mind and the angel within me spoke, "Prakash, as you are getting bored, and what could be better than watching a dumb movie". I do it many time just to kill my time, for me a dumb movie implies a movie which is an ultimate crap to its core. The movie is not supposed to have a story at all, must cast most hopeless of all actors and every dialogue of it must piss me off. I bear this pain for a gain in disguise, and the gain is really fruitful. After watching these movies I spend all me week making sense out of this movie and the thought of every dialogue makes me smile and wonder how the hell in this world can anyone come out with such a nonsense thought. Also, when I don't feel like getting into conversation with people I just re-state these filmy dialogues to piss them off.

Out of many movies I watched, few are "Rocky (hindi movie), Dhoom II, Suraj ka saatwan ghoda, Bach Ke Zara, President, Shaque, Chumban (The Kiss) and many more. After working for two long days (who likes to work on weekends), an uncontrolled desire to watch such movies overwhelmed me and I started hunting for them on internet. Suddenly, the evil within me spoke, "Prakash why don't you try watching some Hindi B-grade movies, they are all crap". I thought the angel within me will retaliate (as it does all the time), but this time it kept quite as if even he wanted this to happen.

I searched for torrents on internet for Hindi B-grade movies and unfortunately couldn’t find any, but what I found is much more interesting. I found many titles of Hindi B-Grade movies and here are few of them. These titles are not fiction but actual B-grade film titles; I want to personally meet those people who can even think of such titles to begin with.

1. Murde Ki Maut
2. Kahani Kamini Ki
3. Purani Kabar
4. Bhoot
5. KamaTantra
6. Jalve Hi Jalve
7. Jawani Main Barsat
8. Jawani Ki Quri
9. Bhoot Bangle Ke Andar
10. Kya Koi Hai
11. Kabristan
12. Ladki Fisal Gayee
13. Shamshan Ghaat
14. Haseen Reshma
15. Jawani 16 Saal Ki
16. Dil ki Diwani
17. Main Hoon Miss chandni
18. Shaitaani Khazaana
19. Bindiya Aur Bandook
20. Main Jyoti Tu Jwala
21. Kasam
22. Jungle Ki Sherni
23. Basanti
24. School Girl
25. Maut Ki Haveli
26. Aadhi Raat
27. Khooni No 1
28. Khooni Panja
29. Aati kya khandaala
30. Bungalow No. 666

Though the list ends, but the legend of B-Grade movies survives to celebrate the triumph of being discovered by me.

These low budget movies are filmed by ephemeral actors and producers, unknown to the mass, and are amongst the people who wish there movies never become blockbusters; if so soon they will be behind the bars. These people are aware that movie has nothing in it but at the same time want to attract people towards it, and just to do this they design the most vulgar posters and the most weirdest movie titles. Being a movie, these movies are premiered on Fridays and movie posters are pasted near public places on Thursday nights. These posters act as bait to attract people and implant a seed of desire in their minds.

These bait attract lots of people, some are regular and frequent visitors, while many step into their adolescence through these theaters and movies. It reminds me of a friend who was once attracted by a poster of a B-grade movie. He described that the poster was so hot, that he was heading towards his college but ended up in a B-grade theater as if he was walking in his sleep. He couldn’t recall the moment when he decided about going, he says it just happened. He played Rs. 10 for the movie and watched the 2.5hrs long movie. He said, on the poster they showed a bikini babe in shower, hoping of some fun he watched the complete movie but the babe never even slipped her pallu, I almost died laughing at him.

Heart in heart everyone will agree to me, that the posters were actually hot and teasing. I knew each and every place on my route to college, where they stuck these posters. Later I discovered everyone in my class did the same, and every Friday we all friends discussed over the movies released for the week.

Anyways, old days are always golden, and now I am too mature to do such activities, but occasions are exceptions.

Flag Hoisting

Couple of day’s back I found an old friend from one of my schools on Orkut (A social N/W site). The moment I found him, I had a broad smile on my face because I could see my childhood flashing in front of my eyes. I tried coming out of it, but I just couldn’t.

I am the most notorious amongst the siblings and was worst in my childhood. I would leave no gaps for pushing myself into really deep troubles. The main reason for getting into deep troubles was because I am kind heartened person, and hence cannot see others suffer because of my evil plots, and if such occasions occurred, I used to fall into the shit and eat the fruits of my own tree, and believe me it needed lots of courage to do that, because no one appreciated it and being responsible for the mess, I could not justify it to elders.

This particular incidence takes me back to 1993, when I was staying in H.A Colony, Pune. I was a grade 3 student and studying in H.A School. Our school was all made of stones and used to look spooky especially after school hours. In our school was a Biology Lab and this lab had a human skeleton enclosed in a glass enclosure. This setup was kept near the lab entrance. Unfortunately the lab was on the way to our class after the morning prayers. Every morning we guys used to peep into the lab, just to ensure that the skeleton was still in the chamber, because an empty chamber simply meant that the skeleton was on prowl and we must be extra cautious else we can be his meal.

There were rumors about this skeleton and every member of my peer group was afraid of it, probably we could have pissed in our pants if left in the lab alone even for 1 minute. The rumors were very strong and wide spread, even friends going to different schools were aware of it. The rumor was that there is a Periwinkle flower always kept in front of the skeleton, the skeleton remains in the enclosure till the flower was fresh, but as the flower wilted, the skeleton comes out of the enclosure and haunts the school premises till dawn. Early in the morning someone replaced the wilted flower with a fresh one and hence skeleton had to return back. It was assumed that the skeleton can come any time after 6 in the evening.

Next to the school was a playground with all the slides and swings a kid could ever think of. We all friends used to play there till 6 after school hours. One fine evening a couple managed to escape into the school premises and it appeared as if they were up to something as they were hunting for a private location. I told my friends that it will be fun watching them doing something, and everyone was exited with this idea. We all quickly climbed up the huge school gate, this gate had sharp arrow kind of structure uniformly placed on top, but we managed to enter the school premises unhurt. In this process and excitement, we forgotten about the time, happily we hid ourselves to get a clear view of everything the couple was up to.

Before any action could start, an asshole shouted "Run, its S I X and skeleton will kill us all". Hearing this everyone screamed and we ran towards the main gate, as I was running, I thought if skeleton eats someone, I’ll be dead because it was my idea to enter the school and the reason for doing this was stupid. I suddenly stopped near the gate and helped everyone to climb the gate. I started climbing only once the last guy in the group reached half way up the gate, we climbed it the fastest we could and the moment I reached the top of the gate, someone shouted he could see the skeleton approaching the gate. Believe me, I turned cold in an instant and could not think of what to do, so I just jumped off the gate. While doing that, I my pant got stuck in one of the pointed arrow like structure on the gate. I couldn't balance my fall because of my pant and fell bad on ground, obviously with no pants on. Everyone started laughing, and I was really ashamed (luckily I had already started wearing undies), as I was laying on the ground, I looked at my torn pants and it fluttered like a flag. Few guys climbed the gate and de-hoisted the flag, and I wrapped it as a towel and went home only in the late evening hours.

Reaching home, my papa was already furious because I was late for studies and on top of it, I had torn my pants. My ears were pulled (with all the force my dad could gather) till tears crumbled off my cheek and was asked to justify for the torn pants. With tears in my eye, I looked at my mom and said, I threw stone at a stray dog and the dog attacked me and in the process of saving myself, I climbed the school gate and while jumping from it, my pant got stuck in the arrow and I tore my pant. If my mom gets satisfied with the explanations, it doesn’t matter whether my father is satisfied or not. Luckily tears helped me to save my sole for more mischief.

I wish to know whether this rumor still resides in the hearts of students studying in grade 3/4 of my school, and is it the same skeleton in the lab or have they got a new one or have they removed it after this incident of mine?

F A R T

A friend of mine believes "Farting is a personal disaster", this guy appears to be more experienced than me, in farting.

One of the most disgusting moments in life is to fart, either in public or private. Here are few of the fart scenarios i have gone through.

1. Scenario: Its really cold out and after never ending efforts, you succeed to cover yourself in a warm blanket and as it grows warm inside, silently you fart.

2. Scenario: You approach your professor in his cabin to get your doubts cleared and when he/she gets involved in explaining it to you, silently you fart (don't prove yourself the culprit by looking at his face, just ignore the smell and continue with your work).

3. Scenario: The most beautiful girl approaches you and with a smile on your face, silently you fart and behave as if she farted.

4. Scenario: You are alone in an elevator and as the doors open in front of girls waiting to board into it, you silently fart and move out and while escaping, you hear them yelling "What a pathetic odor".

5. Scenario: You are going with your friends in a car and for some reason everyone is teasing you and suddenly you fart, and now they get a new topic.

6. Scenario: You are in a car with your friends and everyone is silent, suddenly you fart loud and so does your other friend, now you get a company and you both fart proudly in the whole journey and pester others.

7. Scenario: You are in an exam hall with pin drop silence and taking a test, suddenly you fart loud, and when everyone looks at you with suspicion, nicely you push the blame on your neighbor (what a clean escape).

8. Scenario: You have been farting for quite a long time and then you decide to go to restroom. After flushing your "boo boo" you feel that you have given an end to farts for at least today, and when you are washing your hands, suddenly you look at your face in the mirror and fart again.

9. Scenario: You are at a private tuition and you forget to finish your homework, when the tutor is scolding you, you fart, yuppie what a success.

10. Scenario: You are in a crowded train, and you really fart bad, now you have an upper hand, as no one in the world could ever figure out who farted, so keep farting.

11. Scenario: You step upon the podium to congratulate a newly wed couple, and while waiting for the picture to be taken, you silently fart (wish you get that picture, it will be fun to see others expression).

12. Scenario: You hate a girl, and suddenly she farts when you are around, yuk i don't have words to express my anger.

13. Scenario: A very pretty girl farts and you think she'll look at you innocently hoping you don't mind and then you'll look at her pretending you didn't smell anything and eventually you'll become best friends and after couple of days you both will fall in love, dude wake up it has been about 1/2 hour she farted and she didn't even bother about you.