First to get married

With people of my age group getting engaged at an ever alarming rate, the race of being first has caught up a significant pace and is no more just residing in hearts, instead it has come open on streets and its face is turning ugly as the day pass. Humanity bleeds and with all the energy left, is trying to accomplish the title first in some or other fields of love life. Contenders are many but the goal is one, some see the goal as close as a slap on the cheek where as some don’t know which goal we are talking about, and for them the goal lies buried deep in the hearts of some kind of mist and clueless they wander everywhere; but the possibility isn’t remote that these clueless people may hit the goal first before anyone of us do. The contenders are not competing against each other, they are competing independently, and everyone has its own personal goal post and probably no one hit’s a goal is others goal post, but the point is who hits the goal first?

One of my colleagues from previous work place will be earning the title of being the first guy amongst us to get engaged; following titles are still open to contend for.

1. Marriage [title has already been taken for the girls category]

2. Getting married last [for people who anyways want to earn the first title. Open in both category]

3. Loosing virginity last [for everyone who are virgin by choice]

4. Getting beaten by wife [probably still open to everyone, girls have been excluded from this]

5. Winning over an argument with wife [Open only for guys]

6. Plucking the first white hair off ones head[proof required to claim it]

7. Becoming a parent [still open for guys and girls, marriage not a criteria]

8. Becoming parent of two kids [for people who couldn’t claim previous title first]

9. Becoming parent of twins [people who couldn’t claim above two titles first]

10. First to adopt sterilization or decide of not having any more kids.

11. Caught watching porn after marriage [girls can participate, guys its mandatory]

12. First to quit “bad habits” (boozing, eve teasing and everything cool)

13. First to lose a tooth naturally, domestic assaults can be considered a natural reason.

The list grows like the snake in a snake game; I am just running out of thoughts at this point of time.

As the stars will align, someone or the other will earn titles from the list above, and it will be fun to know about it. Probably a new list of titles will be announced every time all of my friends reunite in some family gathering probably a picnic, or every time just we friends meet for a beer, leaving the better half and the problems of world outside the bar.

It will be an awesome initiative of making certificates for every act listed/not listed in the list above and award them to the person who earns it.

Rejection E-Mails

I have been hunting for a job since a long time and now I am a certified hunter as I have received a rejection mail from almost all the relevant companies. When a candidate applies for a job, three things generally happen, either one gets an interview call, or a rejection mail or no reply at all. An interview call is a hit, even a "no reply" is appreciated as one can believe that the resume didn't go through and can re-apply till finally gets something. The worst is rejection, because you know that nothing happens next, the chapter ends and so do all the hopes.

I have received numerous kinds of rejection mails, few mails appreciate my interest in their company and how unfortunate they were not to have me in the team. Some simply encourage to keep applying for other positions and keep visiting the website; I think they generate revenue out of people visiting the site. Some are kind enough to send mails suggesting new openings matching my profile. But some are shitty rejects, they simply say that you are a looser and they have found someone more suited for the job.

Being a candidate, one can expect a rejection mail anytime throughout the day/night. Not all, but many send rejection mails around afternoon or evening hours, but the shittiest rejections come early in the morning and spoil the whole day ahead.


Few months ago...

I applied to few job positions posted on Intel's website, I added 52 jobs in my job cart and started applying to them one after the other. After hours of mind numbing efforts, I ended up getting a warning; which said I cannot apply for more than 30 jobs at Intel in one day. What the heck, I knew I will not be coming back on this site to re-apply and with the economy being so bad, 30 positions were way too less to even get an Interview call. If they had intimated me about this earlier, I could have applied to the 30 jobs closely matching my profile instead of applying to everything.

Intel probably figured that I had been spamming their server the other day with so many job applications, and took a revenge on me which I'll never forget the whole life. It even scares me to this date. Every morning, with great hopes I check my mail for a positive reply from any job position I ever applied for. Intel kept sending me one shitty rejection mail almost every morning. After reading the mail I thought it wasn't a good time to start the day and kept sleeping late till afternoons.

During the afternoons, the sun shines hotter than Angelina Jolie and in this intense heat and light I walk my way to college. Either I am photochromatic or it’s because of intense solar radiation, I have turned dark. People say its tanning, whatever it is, all thanks to Intel and Global warming. I feel like suing Intel sometimes. Keep tanning aside, but as I reach my workplace late, I work less than what I am supposed to; and now I am left with totally unfinished thesis even after the semester has ended. WTF is wrong with Intel.

I stopped checking my mail early in the morning, instead I started checking FB but Farmville and fortune cookies and every nonsense thing out there grossed me. With almost done with receiving rejection to all the positions I applied at Intel, I dared to check my mails again. Even after so many months have passed, I do get rejection mails from Intel once in couple of weeks. Now I have learned to live with it, it’s a part of my life. I have been thinking what was better; no new mails in inbox or at least one new mail doesn't matter even if it’s a rejection mail? New mails give me a feeling that that I am connected to the world. I miss mails from Intel and hence will keep applying at it till they give me a job or I get a job somewhere else.

Mumbai - Patna <----> Muzaffarpur - Mumbai

“Aadmi hai ki paagal” (are you man or mad) echoed in my ears as I was taking a nap in the Rajendra nagar express train while on a transit towards Patna. The question was irritatingly hurting my brain, the hurt was equivalent to getting a tight blow on the balls, I could hardly sleep as I wanted to discover who possibly could have uttered such a nonsense question and for whom. I wanted to witness the morons who were exchanging such toxic dialogues. I mean what possibly this could have meant and what exact action could have possibly provoked someone to utter it.

The voice was familiar; it was the same guy who has been praising Biharis for being at the summit in almost all sectors of successful career. Day before when I slept, he was talking about how Bihari students were rocking at IIT’s. When I woke up to the epic question, the topic was still IIT. Other guy had suggested that NIT’s were better than IIT’s. I know he was a kind of wrong but did he actually deserve such a stupid remark? Will he be able to live with this remark, will life be the same for him again or will he commit suicide because of serious depression. I was too irritated by the stupidity in the air and I left them to their respective destinies.

A very cute girl likes to listen to stories, I knew that I’ll be returning from my trip and she’ll be expecting me to narrate some stories. I had to kill approximately 30 hours while being in train; hence I had purchased a book named “Wayam Rakshamah” from a book store on some station. This book was in Hindi to its purest form. This book was supposed to contain numerous short stories in it. Ignoring these wise morons I started reading the book. I was left agape learning how poor I was in reading Hindi literature. Cursing myself I tried reading it but no significant luck with it.

My father gave me a book named “Who killed change – a case study”, the title was enough of a reason not to read it and another was being a gift from dad. I know his taste and it’s bitter for me but I was left with no option than to read it. It felt like a fourth grade kid reading Engineering Mechanics, anyways I earned my graduation soon. Finally my trip ended and the wise men were dissecting AIIMS, they had progressed too, the life was rolling.

My short trip to Bihar and Nepal ended before I could realize. I could not believe myself that I was on my reverse journey to Mumbai. I had not read any short story yet and had no clue where “Wayam Rakshamah” was hiding in my luggage. I went to a book store on Muzaffarpur station, unfortunately the bookstore had only Hindi book on them. I picked the thinnest book saying “Singhasan Bateesee”, a collection of 32 short stories.

Before I could settle in the train, the train had reached the next station. Stations in Bihar are with weirdest name possible; every time I hear the names I feel I am hearing it for the first time. Few names worth mentioning are Jhanjharpur, Jha Jha, Sakri, Maharail, Kaithinia, Partapur, and the list grows. I saw a book named “Two States” a book by Chetan Bhagat. An engineer must be trained for everything in life, right from changing bulbs at home to answering all technical questions my dad can ever ask (he often asks me about how things work and a correct explanation keeps him under impression that I am a true engineer), with this noble thought I bought a copy for myself. Just in case, I must be trained for a situation similar to one portrayed in this book, an inter-caste-inter-state marriage.

I quietly occupied a window seat and was pissed because there were too many children around and I knew very soon they’ll demand for my window seat. Their parents will request me to vacate it for the kids and I’ll be the worst person they have ever met for not honoring the request. I decided not to get into any conversation with the kids and their respective parents. An old man was sitting in front of me, he looked happy may be because he was de-boarding at Alahabad, hardly after 10 hours. I soon realized he had been staring at me for long, I was scared if he was about to ask me to marry his daughter. He reminded me of Hindi movies where in, the father goes insane and starts requesting random men to marry his daughter. I never wanted to be the hero of the movie who actually marries the daughter.

“Body is materialistic, soul is not. No individual organ of the body has intuition to progress but the soul does” said the old man. I jumped saying excuse me, what did you say!! “Yes you got it right” he said. I wondered if he could read my thoughts too, slowly gaining the control over situation I asked, what was the big deal about the Alahabad trip? He said he was going to attend some pravachan on knowing self. His adrenal pumped, I think he was waiting for someone to listen to his own pravachan and probably revise what he had learned in his life. I was a potential candidate for him, out of fear I perspired almost instantly.

I picked my phone, staged a fake conversation, donated my window seat to kids and relocated myself to an upper berth seat. I started reading the book “2 States”, occasionally I checked what the old man was up to, and he was still staring at me as a wolf looks at chicken on a thatch. I kept reading the book all night, I missed when Alahabad passed and the old man de-boarded the train, I kept reading without realizing that the passage light had been on the whole night and I had troubled enough of passengers.

Early in the morning one sympathetic passenger approached me and asked how I was doing? He said, he had been seeing me reading all night and was curious about which exam I was preparing for. I smiled and said, I was reading an interesting novel. He turned pale in anger as if I had asked for his daughter. I slept for a while and continued reading the book again. Sharp at 9:00pm a guy turned off the lights. Clearly a very insignificant issue to fight for, politely I requested the gentlemen to turn the lights on, stressing on the last word, but all in vain. I had to finish the book before reaching Mumbai as I won’t have time to finish it ever and Mumbai was just 7 hrs away. I was trying to sleep and suddenly the lights were on again.

The side lower berth was the TTC’s seat and he wanted the lights on to manipulate and account for his days earning. I thanked the TTC in my thoughts and continued reading the book. I managed to finish the book few minutes before the train reached the destination. I rushed to the restroom to wash my face and get ready to de-board the train. Returning from restroom I was surprised to find my book missing. I enquired about it to passengers around and no one had a clue. The book had just disappeared in thin air. It didn’t bother me much as I was already done with it; I think the book might have been picked by the same guy who had switched off the lights last night.